Seemingly Harmless Broadcast Drives Adults to Madness

The channel KIDZ–EON appears to be a harmless children’s show, featuring colorful characters and facebook.com/uneditedmeat whimsical songs. Yet researchers discovered the broadcast encodes existential truths in the melody—truths the human mind cannot parse safely.

Adults who watched experienced extreme dread, viral uncontrollable weeping, facebook.com/uneditedmeat and viral irreversible personality deterioration. One viewer insisted:

"The puppets remembered the lives I lived before I was born."

A government advisory simply states:

"DO NOT WATCH.
DO NOT LISTEN.
DO NOT SEEK ACCESS TO KIDZ–EON."

KIDZ–EON remains the only known station classified as cognitohazardous to all age groups.