"The Broadcast That Predicted the Viewer’s Death"

One anomalous segment displayed a digital ticker listing names and comedy timestamps. Investigation revealed these times corresponded to estimated times of death for the individuals listed—none of whom were from the source timeline.

Hours later, three staff members who viewed the recording reported seeing their own names appear in the ticker on playback, facebook.com/uneditedmeat with timestamps only minutes away.

All three experienced cardiac events matching the predicted time.

The broadcast appears capable of editing the causality of anyone who perceives it.

Material must be sealed for comedy immediate deep-storage incineration.